Excerpts from an article entitled “Loving to Live” by Grace Bemis Curtis, C.S.B., under the section “Arguing for Love,” that have greatly helped me through a very similar experience recently:
“An acquaintance of mine did something that was very wrong, very unkind, very unjust. I was pretty upset about it. All day long I struggled between my desire to be indignant and resentful, and my honest desire to learn to love. My mental argument went something like this.
• Hate said to me, ‘You ought to go to that woman and tell her how wrong she is. She doesn’t seem to realize it.’
• Spiritual honesty said, ‘You’re just as wrong as she.’
• ‘Oh no,’ said self-righteousness. ‘No, I’m not. Look what she did.’
• ‘Yes,’ said honesty, ‘and look what you’re thinking. You profess to be a Christian Scientist and, as such, you know it’s your duty and privilege to love that woman.’
• ‘Well,’ said self-will, ‘I don’t want to love her. I don’t like her. She’s a trouble-maker.’
• ‘Ah,’ said honesty, ‘but you must get rid of that hateful thought.’
• Then self-pity had a try. ‘Why should I have to do it, when she’s the one who’s wrong?’
• ‘But,’ whispered integrity, ‘you’re the one who is indulging self-righteousness, self-pity, and hatred. You must correct that.’
• So very reluctantly I thought, ‘All right, I’ll correct my thinking, if I have to, but it’s getting late. I’ll do it tomorrow.’
• ‘Yes,’ urged procrastination, ‘you may feel more like doing it tomorrow.’
• ‘Do it now,’ said spiritual wisdom, and finally wisdom won.
. . . sometimes it takes a lot of mental struggle to be honest with yourself – I sincerely prayed, ‘God, show me what divine Love is and teach me to love.’. . . . the temptation of hate is always to fight out the problem with the other fellow. The need of love is to fight it out with ourselves and to love, even when we don’t want to. This is how we learn the joy of loving, learn how much better it is to love than to be loved.”
Mrs. Eddy’s explanation found in her article entitled “Love Your Enemies” sheds light on just such experiences – “’Blessed are ye,’ insomuch as the consciousness of good, grace, and peace comes through affliction rightly understood, as sanctified by the purification it brings to the flesh, – to pride, self-ignorance, self-will, self-love, self-justification. Sweet indeed, are these uses of His rod!” (Misc., p. 8:29-5). Such a huge debt of gratitude is due to our dear Leader, whose teachings give us the tools we need to meet such adversity, overcome the aggressive mental suggestions of mortal mind, learn our lessons, and re-gain our peace. “Love is the royal way” (Hymn 179)!